Salami Slut

"Okay, so Rhea, I'm having a thought!" Theo announced as he barged into her room. This was the first time he had been outside in over twenty-four hours, in fact, it was the first time he had been out of bed in over twenty-four hours other than to throw up. Next time he went drinking he was going to have to eat something first. He hoped Rhea had had just as bad a hangover the day before as he had.

"Anyway, to punish Claude for not turning up to save us from the evil ways of alcohol until he did, we need to do something, okay? He deserves to be punished cruelly. Cruelly. So so so cruelly." He grinned as a mirage of possibilities flooded his mind, before shaking his head.

"But anyway. I need to enlist your evil genius to help me. So, Rhea Capulet, here is your chance to shine Mademoiselle! Any ideas for a powerful revenge?"

"You know you could learn to knock." Rhea glared, turning from the mirror to give her brother a look. "I could be naked! Or having sex! Knock Theo, knock!"

"Oooh, punishing?" That got her interested, and the Theo's fatal mistake of not knocking was forgotten. "I like punishing people. Claude's people. Claude deserves it." Cruel sounded beautiful. "Punishing Claude's the best idea you've ever had!"

She gave a little bow. "I am an evil genius." she agreed. "Okay, give me a moment to think! Are you completely blank? Or over-flowing with ideas?" What could they do? What would be genius enough to do, something beautiful while cruel at the same time. "We could put all his white clothes in the wash with a red sock." Nah, that wasn't original enough. "No, okay scratch that. We need something new, something better." She racked her brain. "Oh my god! No... Wait… Where is Claude now?"

"Ew! You're not naked are you?" Theo threw his hands up over his face before realising he had just seen her fully clothed. "Oh well. How are you feeling? Dandy?"

"Yes, punishment. Mmhmm." Theo nodded enthusiastically to assert his point. "I say we punish him. I know right? Thank you!" he added with a grin at the praise. "So anyway, so much shit just popped into my head I can't like think straight so that's why I need your help Rheelee. We must come up with the plan to end all plans!"

"That won't work, I think all his socks are pink anyway, he's so feminine, unlike me," Theo said, grinning, before growing excited as she seemingly thought of an idea. "Ooh! What? Oh my God what? What have you thought of? What?!" But Rhea didn't tell him, merely asked where the subject of this master plan was right now. "I don't know, Spain? a dumpster?" he said with a shrug. "What that boy gets up to, I do not know. Why?"

"You're so retard." Rhea sighed, crossing her arms. "Sure, yes. I'm quite dandy. Not headache-y today, thankfully. How are you?" Small talk. Awesome.

"You can't think straight? What are you still drunk from last time?" she grinned a little. Oh all the good memories. Great memories actually, lots of blackmail to be remembered (and hopefully to be used in the near future, she had to remember to write everything down). "Ew, don't call me Rheelee."

"Okay, okay. So I'm thinking." Rhea said, tapping with her finger on her chin as she focused on the mirror again. "Aw, damn my hair looks good today." she beamed, before turning back to her brother. "Right, I'm focused. So… I'm thinking, what if… No… Okay, yes, or well... How far are you willing to go, Theo? How mean? Like on a scale from zero to Rhea-mean. Because I have the perfect thing really, do you reckon we could get ourselves some paint?"

"I'm great thank you! Full of boyish charm and energy," Theo said with a smile. "Anyway! It's not the alcohol muddling my mind, it's just my huge creative input running through my mind blurring everything together. Small problem."

"But Rheelee is a better name than Thessy. Much better. That feels so wrong, like a furry tongue or something." He screwed up his face and pretended to spit, before dropping onto the vacant bed and looking at her. "So?"

She was very slow about answering and he hummed impatiently before she got to the actual idea. "I don't know. Rhea-mean can't be very mean seeing as you're in love with Claude at the moment," he said dramatically as he rolled over onto his back. "Paint? Paint? I think I could get us some paint. Wait, what are you planning? Are you going to deface my room?" He grinned. "Wicked."

"Boyish charm? I thought you had the while girly-thing going out for you?" Rhea frowned.

"Thessy is sooo much better!" Rhea argued. "It sounds really cute and works really well for Theseus! I guess we could call you Zeus if you wanted, if we're really thinking outside the box and looking at the spelling and all, that would be the coolest nickie ever."

Rhea glared. "Be like that and I'll forget my idea!" she threatened. "I'm supposed to love you aren't I? And I'm pretty mean to you. Not that I love Claude. Ugh, do you want to hear my idea or not?" she kicked off her shoes and walked towards her bed. "Well his side of the room anyway." she grinned. "You know a little girly-makeover."

"Yeah, I have the girly thing, but I do have some boyish charm, believe it or not some girls are attracted to me," Theo replied with a teasing grin. "And don't say that they're drunk or stoned or mental."

"No. No. Just stop trying to come up with nicknames for me. I am perfectly happy with Theo. Theo will do me just fine, thank you very much." He pouted, and smirked at her reaction.

"But but Clea! Alright, tell me the prank," he said, grinning. "Oooh! A make-over? Sounds lovely! I mean my side of the room is obviously the best looking at the moment, but a lick of paint, we could turn Claude's into Barbie world!"

“People are attracted to you?" Rhea frowned. "That's like… possible?" she gave him a little wink. "Though you have to admit them being stoned or drunk out of their minds - or like you said, simply mental - would make so much more sense."

"Killjoy!" Rhea pouted. "You're so mean about my nicknames, seriously, it hurts my feelings!" she tried to bite back a grin, but failed. "We should just stop with the nicknames, Rheelee included. And Clea falls under that category."

"There. Is. No. Clea." her eyebrows narrowed. "I will hurt you one day, Theo, I real will. ANYWAYS, God, if you'd let me get to the point. Yes, I wanna give Claudie's room a little makeover. Girlystuff sounds beautiful. Barbie-Claude! So what… pink walls? Fluffy teddybears? Pink furry blankets?"