SLOUGH IS A POOY PLACE

Claude loved his little sister, he really did. And he loved babysitting her, oh the fun they would have, playing and eating sweets and watching TV. It wasn't as fun when he had a hangover though. At least Theo was there to make him feel better. He could march through anything with Theo by his side.

"Rene," he started, lounging on the sofa with a hand over his head. "We're going to play a game. And it's a really fun game. And it's called 'who can be quietest for the longest'. And I bet you can't beat me."

This was totally not going to work. Had he used this on her before? He couldn't quite remember. He really needed to keep track of things like that. Just not right now.

Oh. He really was hungover. Wearing a hoodie that he only knew hadn't originally been his (though he wasn't particularly sure whose it was instead) with the hood up, sleeves over his hands, front over his knees as he curled up into the sofa, Theo grinned feebly at Claude's attempt to quieten his sister down.

Theo loved Réne, but right now, he would have been quite happy to have destroyed her. He was feeling pretty worse for wear. It was his own fault, he guessed, but still, children seemed to sense when it was bad to speak loud and multiply the volume controls.

"I'mungrysleep," he murmured, dropping his head onto Claude's shoulder and closing his eyes. "D'ya have any like paracetemol or shit? Or booz- spesh drinks. Special drinks cure all." He grinned again and nodded. "I bet I can play this game today." Or could he? Could he ever really keep quiet, even if he was feeling shite? He wasn't sure he couldn't speak. It went against all of his morals.

Iréne was not happy. She had been so happy, she'd been so happy that she had not barely been able to fall asleep the night before because she'd been so excited, because Mommy had promised Claude and Uncle Theo were going to come to play with her. But now that they were here, they were being boring, sitting in the couch and telling her to play a game that didn't sound anything like fun.

She puffed out her cheeks, filling them with air and crossed her arms, staring at her brother. "No." the girl refused. "I dun wanna play that game." she shook her head and pouted.

She then made her way over to Theo, grabbing onto his hoodie and tugging. "Uncle Theeeeo," she whined. "I want to play a real game! With running! And monsters!" she looked at him pleadingly. "You have to play, you said a bad word!" she looked over at Claude. "Didn't he, Claudie? Pleaaaaase?"

Theo was like a massive teddybear, really. He could be Claude's snuggle buddy, seeing as Rhea wasn't around. Though those snuggles didn't always-no Claude now was definitely not the time to think about that.

"Why not? It's the best game ever," Claude insisted. This was hopeless. He needed a new plan. "Can't we like, watch a movie or something instead? Maybe a scary movie, you don't get to watch those when mummy and daddy are around, do you?"

"You need to put a dollar in the swear jar, Theo," Claude scolded, smirk on his face. "No bad word's in the Delanoir household. It's against the law."

"Did I swear?" Theo murmured tiredly. He hadn't actually noticed. Oh. That was bad, clearly. "Ugh. I don't care enough. If I swear in French do I get brownie points?"

Not running. No. Not running. Never running. If he ran now he would most likely throw up all over the place. Definitely no running. He did desperately need to wake up though, and a film sounded like a good idea. "Yeeeeah. Let's watch something scary. Ish. Or funny. Or funny scary. I love films. Films are way better than running around, and they last longer."

He groaned dramatically and pulled the hood further over his head. "Hey, Réne, what about we play sleeping lions? Cos that's fun. Let's do that. Sleep is good for you." He hadn't slept the previous night, the way he was feeling. But he loved Réne and felt mildly guilty. "Y'know, you can always just give me a hug, Réne. I want a hug."

"No-oh-oh!" Iréne stomped her foot. They weren't listening! They weren't being fun! Her lip quivered. "I don't wanna watch a movie," she looked down on the floor and at her feet. Her fingers tingled a little, like they often did when she wanted to blow things up, which often happened on accident when she got overly emotional.

She crossed her arms again, making a whiny protesting noise and kicking the couch with her foot. "You just wanna sleep," she accused the two boys. She could tell mommy when she came back that they hadn't wanted to play with her. "Cause... Cause you... you're meanies!" her lip quivered again. "No! No hugs for meanies."

"No swearing around Rene, we don't want her to become corrupt. She will be my darling little angel forever. Though if you swear in French I will be very impressed."

"Films are good," Claude mumbled in agreement, though he woke up when he saw Rene's fingers curl. That wasn't a good sign. That never ended well. And Theo was here and shit did not need to get blown up while Theo was here.

"Noo! No, Rene, we're just joking," he insisted, reaching out to her and grasping her shoulders, pulling her in for a soft noogie. "What do you want to play? Try make it something a little bit quiet. And maybe in the dark."

"Are you calling me corrupt, Delanoir?" Theo asked, smirking slightly. "Oh come on. When I did French they were the only words I ever looked up. Merde." Feeling mildly satisfied and not nearly as guilty as he should have done for swearing in front of Iréne, Theo closed his eyes again.

Though she sounded upset. And then rejected him. "Aw, but I want a hug. if we play a game do I get a hug?" Wait a second. He really didn't want to play a game. Damn kids.

Sighing and kicking his legs out in attempt to gain footing, he opened his eyes, still leaning on Claude, and grinned at Réne. "Go on then, captain, what we gonna play?" He hoped it would be something quiet.

Iréne pouted again, before opening up her mouth and shouting loudly. "MERDE! Merde! Merde! Merde! Merde!" She had a feeling they didn't like it when she was being loud, but they had been meanies first so she could be meanie too.

"Game first, hug later." the girl nodded her head, a little pleased. At least they weren't being total meanies anymore.

Her sad-face disapperead quickly once Claude and Theo agreed on a game and she giggled as her brother pulled her towards him. "Mmmm," she said thoughtfully, pulling away to look at Theo. "Can we... Can we play the Prince and Princess game? I want to be the Dragon, you and Claudie can be the Prince and Princess," she giggled. "Daddy gave me a tiara and we can play with it."

"I am. That's exactly what I'm calling you. And you deserve it," Claude replied. He seriously regretted egging Theo on when Iréne began repeating him, incredibly loudly. Too loudly. Oh dear lord his head hurt so much.

"Dad's going to kill me-OKAY! Okay, if you never say that again we'll play a game. But if you keep saying it I'm going to send you next door."

Was that a quiet game? It sounded pretty easy. "Do I get to be the Prince, seeing as I'm obviously the man in the relationship? And I think your new tiara would suit Uncle Theo more, don't you?"

Oh God his head was going to implode. Pulling his hood tighter round hiss ears and turning his face into Claude's shoulder, Theo swore he would never... Well, swear... Again. Not if this was his punishment. It wasn't worth it.

He heard Claude's conditions for stopping her swearing, and bit his lip. He really did not want to play a game, but this was technically his fault. Plus if he had actually paid attention to his alcohol and other consumption last night, he probably would want to mess around and play with Iréne instead of wanting to die in a hole.

"Okay," he agreed weakly. "I want to be the princess though. Can I be Sleeping Beauty? I'd be very dedicated the the role- Oooh, tiara?" He perked up at these words, looking curiously at the little girl in front of him. "Would I get to wear it? Exciting!"

Réne grinned from ear to ear when they agreed to play a game with her. Even if Claude did threaten to send her next doors, that would be awful. And something about Daddy killing him, which didn't sound like much fun either.

"Mmmmkay," Iréne said, crossing her arms and looking from her brother to Theo. "Claudie's the Prince and Auntie Theo's the Princess," she giggled. "But no sleeping! Mommy says it's not good to sleep during the day cos then you can't fall asleep during the evening and you can't watch the telly during the evening cos all the bad shows are on," she told them and puffed out her chest, feeling quite smart.

"I'll get the tiara!" Iréne shouted, perking up even more and turning around to run to her room. Maybe she could get a dress too, but she wasn't sure if Uncle Theo would fit in it. But Claude would definitely need a sword and maybe a cape. Like superheros had.

Claude chuckled at Theo's reaction to the tiara. Go figure that would wake Theo up a bit. "Mummy's right. You shouldn't sleep during the day or watch TV in the evenings. You should always listen to mummy. You're a very clever girl."

Mummy was so not right. He could sleep whenever he damn well pleased.

"You go get the stuff, Theo and I will wait here," that was clearly the best idea. "Patiently. And quietly. And we should probably get a drink of water or something, you know, to try and make the discomfort go away."

"I wouldn't know about bad shows, I'm a good boy who polishes his shoes and goes to bed at seven," Theo told them in a high-pitched voice, trying to look earnestly at them. "I'm an angel. Check my internet history." No. Really don't do that.

"D'you know, Claude, I think I'm okay waiting here. Getting into my role you know." In other words, Theo wasn't sure his legs still worked and he really couldn't be bothered to move, until Claude mentioned maybe getting some water and Theo thought that might have been the best idea his friend had ever had. "Hear hear," he agreed, nodding as enthusiastically as he could without the world lurching uncomfortably. He was unsuccessful.

"Can I like, crochet or something?" Theo asked, trying not to sound too much like he was pleading. Because if he ran around now chances were he'd fall over and never get back up again. While hurling violently on all the Delanoirs' stuff. And alienating himself from the neighbourhood. "Cos you know, princesses, we're a dainty race. Always fainting and all that cra-rubbish."

Unlce Theo wasn't saying much that Réne understood, but the girl beamed anyway when her brother said she was a good girl. She was, wasn't she? She almost always went to bed when her mommy and daddy told her to, unless she was too excited to fall asleep.

It didn't take her long to locate her tiara and she grabbed the cape too and a small plastic sword. "Here you go Uncle Theo," she held out the tiara for him. "You... You won't break it right?" it was her only tiara after all. "The Prince gets a cape." she handed the sword and the cape to Claude, though the thought that it might be a bit too small didn't even cross her mind.

She ignored Uncle Theo's wishes, as she thought hard about what she wanted them to be doing in the game. What had the Prince and Princess been doing in that movie Daddy had watched with her the other day? "You have to dance!" Iréne said after a while of thinking, grinning again. "You're at a Ball, so the Prince and Princess have to be dancing." she nodded her head. It only made sense after all.

Oh he hoped they didn't check Theo's internet history, that was probably a very dark, scary place. The very thought of Theo being described as innocent was making him snigger, glad that Réne said nothing of it.

"Right, water," Claude forced himself to stand, groaning as his head protested violently, just wanting to curl up in a hole and die. Who invtented hangovers? "Réne, can you go get us some water while we dress up? I think that's the quickest ways to get things done."

Should he feel bad for kind of using his little sister as a servant? Though she was the one who wanted him to get up and play games.

He put the cape on, ignoring the fact it was so not his size, and stood, holding a hand out for Theo and bowing, ignoring the pain for the sake of his little sister. She better be bloody thankful. "May I have this dance, Princess Crochet?"

Nooooo. He did not want to dance. He wanted to curl up in a hole and die. Even if he did have a tiara. And it was a cool tiara. And it made Theo mildly happy. But only mildly. "I won't break it," he promised in a mumble, dropping his head further onto Claude's shoulder, groaning slightly, before falling back onto the sofa as his bro stood up.

"Oh, you may," Theo replied, smiling slightly, though he could only bear to open his eyes halfway to grab his hand. Once he had a grip, he shut his eyes again and waited to be hauled to his feet, feeling halfway dead.

As much as he loved Iréne, she was not his favourite person in the world at this present moment in time. She really, really wasn't.

Iréne was confused. Why did Claudie want her to go get the water? He could get water easily, just like Daddy. She could make fire like Mummy. She stared at him, a puzzled look on her face and played with her fingers. "Why don't you make water?" she blinked a few times, eyes finding Uncle Theo. Maybe Uncle Theo couldn't know. Mummy never did let her make fire around other people.

She giggled when her brother asked Theo to dance, happy that they were finally willing to play with her. She bounced over to the couch, sitting down to watch them. They'd have to dance for a little while before the dragon could interrupt them.

She clapped her hands together excitedly while watching the show, grinning brightly. "Can we have a wedding?" she questioned. Weddings were always really pretty.