k thanks bye xxx

"Dicksauce? Is that the best you can come up with? Oh Lyss, you little cutie, you. Trollopfuck." He grinned and rolled his eyes as she began to weigh up different cigarette brands. "I vote Royals. Or Rizzlers! Yeah, Rizzlers, then we can roll and stroll. Roll and stroll Lyss. Do it. DO IT."

However, she decided differently, and Theo groaned before reaching for his wallet and getting out his card. "Oooh actually, go for the most expensive. Daddy dear can always fork out and pay me back for it. Yes. Mmhmm."

"He does drive, but he's not as good a driver as me," Theo replied with a beam. "But of course, I'm the world's best driver. I'm formula one standard. I'm fucking Jenson Button." He grinned and sighed. "I really want some Ben and Jerry's though. Right tomorrow we're having Ben and Jerry's. Today, McFags and McFlurries. Yes. Sounds good to me. Mm-mm-mm."

Alyssa huffed. "At least dicksauce isn't as used up as trollop." she pouted a little when he requested a different brand than what she wanted. "No, I don't want to roll and stroll that takes time and effort and ugh. No."

"So should I be thanking your Dad for these fags?" Alyssa raised her eyebrows, though she grinned. "Your Dad might just be my new favourite Capulet. Also, don't get ID'd Theo or I'll murder you, just so you know."

She raised her eyebrows skeptically. "Is it humanly possible to be a worse driver than you?" she asked, voice teasing. "I think we should go wake him up, it kind of makes me angry to know that there's someone still sleeping peacefully in the world, don't you agree?"

McFags and McFlurries. Beautiful. "Thee, do you reckon we're really sad people? If all we want from life is ice cream and fags."

"But roll and stroll Lyss, roll and stroooooooooll," Theo whined, before sighing and poking his tongue out at her. "Fine. Fuck you." He flipped her the finger, before moving to the counter to indicate which cigarettes he wished to buy, thankful that he was taller than the guy behind the counter and that the guy looked as if he couldn't give a shit what age Theo was, more concerned about staring at the clock than at his customers.

"That was pretty easy," Theo said as he returned to Alyssa, slotting his card back into his wallet and whistling, chucking the packet at his companion. "Let's go drive. I'm well excited for food. Do you reckon Claude'll want food? Oh my God, yes. Let's go wake him up. Yes. Let's do it." He grinned and unlocked the car, sliding into the driver's seat and drumming his fingers against the steering wheel. "Don't complain about my driving or I'll key your face, okies?"

"We are not sad," Theo scoffed, before shrugging and wrinkling his nose. "Well. Maybe a little. But that's like... that's not our fault. Nope. We're cool. We're indie. Not hipster. We're hungry."

Alyssa folded her arms, she was starting to feel ridiculously hot in Theo's jumper or maybe she was just too excited to finally get a smoke after so long (Had it been long? Maybe a day?). She watched, slightly nervously, as Theo managed to buy their cigarettes and she bit back a squeal.

"I love you," she mumbled, not quite sure if she was talking to her friend or the pack as she fumbled to get it open. "Everyone always wants food," she replied, after getting into the car and managing to get the window down. "Do you mind?" she asked, already fishing up a fag.

She scowled a little. "We're 'indie'? Do I want to be indie?" she questioned. Though that did sound better than hipster. "I'm fucking hungry, are we getting Claude or are we getting food?"

"Of course you love me, I'm fucking magic, me," Theo replied, grinning and nudging her with his elbow. "There you are Lyssielyss. Sorry I smoked all your old fags. They were just calling to me."

"Course I don't mind, smoke away," Theo said, waving his hand. "Course, you should let the driver have one. Because he's so talented. I'm like, a superstar. Formula One babe. BETTER FUCKING BELIEVE IT."

He laughed and shrugged, before swearing and turning sharply left. "Almost missed the turning then! What a doughnut." He shook his head, before turning to look at her. "Like, um, I'm real hungry too. Maybe Claude's hungry! He's always hungry. I want to see if you can wake the great lump up. You'd deserve a medal."

"Whatever. You're forgiven. Or something. I don't care right now. I'm reunited with nicotine."

She snorted. "I'm not sure if I should give you a cigarette and distract you from driving," she admitted, placing the cigarette between her lips, only to realise she didn't have her lighter on her. Her new lighter, seeing as her old one had been abducted by a teacher. Fucking pajamas. Fucking teachers. "Shit. Please tell me you have a lighter here-" she stressed, opening up the glove compartment and rummaging through it. "I'm going to cry, Theo."

Her stomach was starting to growl as she thought about food. "Okay, are we going back to the school then and getting your companion?" she asked, nodding her head. "And asking him to drive," she added, sweetly. Though, when Theo suggested waking Claude up would be a challenge Alyssa grew even more excited. "I deserve a medal for everything I do. Especially hanging around with you, so much effort." she grinned and flicked him on the shoulder.

"If you don't give me a fucking cigarette I will turn this car around and go back to the lovely gentleman who sold me them to explain to him that while we are devilishly attractive and fine specimens of humanity with which he has vended these death sticks to corrupt our physical health and beauty with, we are however not yet eighteen, and he is therefore under legal obligation to take them back from us." Theo nodded smartly, feeling a small amount of pride in the speech he had just concocted.

"Don't look in there!" he warned her as he saw her begin to look through the glove compartment of his car, removing a hand from the wheel to grab her arm and pull it from there, slamming it shut hastily, before realising he was paying absolutely no attention to the road and swerving away from the sidewalk as quickly as he could. "Shit!" he swore, before turning to grin at her. "Sorry. There's something bad in there. I can't remember what but it's not good." He paused. "I don't mean a dismembered body part, by the way, like, Sam the Second's head isn't hacked and bloody. I mean, I hate icky shit, it would get all over my seats."

Theo grinned and fumbled in his back pocket (though this time keeping his eyes on the road). Thank God he hadn't taken his lighter out of yesterday's jeans, else they'd be well and truly screwed. "I'll give you a light if you give me a fag, deal?"

That sounded like a plan. Theo let his jaw drop in emphasised shock. "I am not a bad driver! I'm fucking swell. I should be driving the president around. Oh my gosh, you're so mean to me all the time." He pouted, before laughing. "You do deserve some kind of award. I'm so high maintenance."

Alyssa stared at Theo, eyes and mouth wide open, feeling like he had smacked her. Had he just- Had he just threatened to take her babies back to the store? "You-" she pointed a finger at him. "Are evil! If you even tried I would kill you, you know." she gave him a look. "I'm well capable of murder, I'll have you know."

And then Theo was acting crazy. Which wasn't so weird, seeing as this was Theo, but still. What was his deal? "What the fuck is your problem?" Alyssa yanked her hand back, head turning so she could glare at her friend. "ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?" He was insane. This was insanity. "Something bad? What kind of something bad?" Not a body. Not a body was good. "You're insane, you know that?"

Alyssa sighed, fishing up a second cigarette and holding it out for Theo. "Blackmail," she muttered, unhappily. Though she had to admit she would've given him a fag eventually. Even if it was sure to distract his driving (more).

"Oh yes, just swell. Cos you didn't like, almost get us killed." Alyssa rolled her eyes. "I'm sure the president would love to be driven around with you, as long as he paid you in cigarettes, maybe he could keep his life. Ye?"

Theo laughed at how offended she looked and forced his face straight. "True story, that. You should watch your back. Mmhmm. I'm evil." He laughed as she continued and nodded. "I don't doubt it for a second. You look like a psychotic bitch normally. Nicotine-less and you look like you've just escaped Death Row."

"I'm sorry!" he replied, trying not to laugh at her reaction. That wouldn't look so good. "I can't remember what it was, I just remember swearing I'd never open it again under any circumstances." Which probably meant it was something to do with drugs. In which case he definitely shouldn't open it. He should tape the thing shut. "Probably underwear or something, I don't know," he said with a shrug. "Sorrrrrrry. Didn't mean to scare you. I'll buy you some chicken nuggets to make up for it."

He grinned as she offered him a cigarette, beaming as he chucked her his lighter. "Go on, do the honours. Cure my cravings."

"Did you just say I looked like a psychotic bitch normally?" Alyssa raised her eyebrows, feeling offended all over again. "Excuse you. You're the bitch in this relationship. I'll go down as lovely Lyssles or a Dick, I could do dick. But call me a bitch and I'll ruin you." she paused. "Mind you that sounded a bit bitchy. I'll fuck you up. Better?"

"Why am I friends with you," Lyssa muttered, rolling her eyes at Theo. She hoped he didn't have chopped up people in there. That'd be way too kinky for her liking. "I like nuggets," nuggets made everything better. Know what else made things better? Cigarettes.

Alyssa focused on lighting one cigarette, taking a drag (and her insides beaming and doing a few circus jumps with delight) before holding said cigarette up for Theo. "Here, you get my leftovers, you cheap slag." she beamed before repeating the progress, this time keeping the fag for herself. "This is the best feeling in the world, Zeus."

"Well, honeybunch, it's the truth," Theo replied, grinning as he winked at her, before shrugging and casting a glance in the mirror. He should probably look more often, it might improve his driving skills. "I kid. You're quite fit really. For a punk-assed hipster chick."

"You're friends with me because if you weren't you'd be a sad, miserable old crone with no happiness in her life, and because I'm gorgeous and funny and kind, and because I'm just the light of your life. You know that song by the Smiths? There's a light that will never go out or something? They're singing about me. True story bro."

"Sloppy seconds ain't my style," Theo quoted, before shrugging and taking the cigarette. He wasn't about to forgo his nicotine addiction just for the purpose of quoting a musical (albeit the best one ever written). "Gimme." He shook his head and took in a long drag, grinning to himself. "Ahhhhhhhh. Tobacco, my old friend, how I have missed you. Do you know what? We could do with some booze."

"I'm not hipster! What even is hipster? Don't you have to be, like, social for that? Or is that too mainstream? I'm confused." she frowned. "Though thank you, I know I'm fit just as you're tall."

"You're kind?" Alyssa raised her eyebrows before laughing. "Since when? And Jesus Christ Theo, your life is not a musical, even if you wish it were."

"You're kind of embarrassing to hang around with, you know that right?" Lyssa grinned anyway before taking another drag form her cigarette. "Weren't we having food? And waking your wife? Now you're wanting booze too? You're so demanding I'm not sure what to do with you."

"No, I think the whole point of being hipster is to avoid being mainstream," Theo replied, smirking. "See, if I was cool, I'd totally be hipster. But I'm not, so I'm just a freak. Woe is me, woe is me."

He laughed as she insulted him, before stretching his hand across and poking his finger into her cheek (he couldn't go for her lips seeing as she was smoking). "Shh. McDonald's, see?" He pointed at the car park they were in, and headed for the Drive Thru. "Fuckloads of chicken nuggets will be ordered. And then we're hitting the offie. And shut up, I'm not demanding. I'm lovely."

He grinned as he thought of Claude and shrugged. "I say we should eat first. I've got the munchies." Which was strange. The fags weren't dodgy. "My princess can wait!"

"I don't," Alyssa sighed, closing her eyes. "I don't understand, it's too complicated for me. Can I be nothing? Please? I just want a big crown and maybe a cake. That's all I want from life. And fags and booze and food."

Removing the cigarettes from her lips (slightly torturous), Alyssa clicked her teeth together in Theo's direction, multiple times. "I'll bite your finger off, man." she then placed the cigarette back where it belong and took a drag. "Ahhhh. I'd love some nuggets though I'm so totally game. And can we get some jäger? Or rum. I'd be game for rum."

"You're a bit demanding, but you know I kind of pulled you out of bed while still wearing my own pyjamas to buy me cigarettes, so we're even. Or something." she winked at him, laughing at his comment about having the munchies. "What did you do last night? Did you get high? And are still high? That'd explain your driving! Bloody hell Capulet, watch out for the curb!"

"Haha, I'll make you a cake and give you a crown some day. Just have to decide what for, you know," Theo replied, before sighing and rolling his eyes. "I'm nowhere near the fucking curb, chill your beans!" Okay that was a lie, he was pretty close. But still. She made it sound like he was going to crush some woodlouse or something. Ew. Woodlice. They had to be some of the grossest insects in existence.

"If you bite my finger off I'll cry," Theo said, pouting. "These fingers are magic." He winked at her, and wound one of the windows down as he lined up with the speech machine thing, and took their order (five boxes of twenty chicken nuggets, two chocolate milkshakes, a cheeseburger and two large sides of fries). "Reckon that'll be enough, or shall we get some shitty happy meal fruit for Claude?" he asked Alyssa, smirking.

"Yeah! I even gave you a jumper! So stop with your whining Missy and have some chicken nuggets. Then offie. Then lake. Then pissed. Mmm, fun day." He grinned in a satisfied way, before collecting their paper bag and chucking it at Alyssa, before driving back out.

"I don't think I'm high," he said, wrinkling his nose. "I really do have the munchies though. Probably just growing, darling."

"Is the fact that I'm the perfect female-yet-more-male-than-you friend, not enough for a crown and a cake?" Alyssa removed the cigarette again so she could pout at him.

Waggling her eyebrows, Alyssa laughed. "Well, I'm not sure anyone would really miss your fingers if we're being honest here." she leant back in the seat, mouth watering as he ordered their food. Or you know, everyone's food seeing as he seemed to be buying food for fifteen people. "You know I'm one tiny person?" Alyssa gave him a look. "Not that I can't eat much, but still. Though I think Claude would love some fruit."

"I'm not whining!" Alyssa exclaimed. "I'm just… I'm just… not whinging. Ugh. What kind of alcohol are we getting? Something nice?" she smelled the bag, the food smell mixing with the smell of the cigarette and creating heaven.

She tilted her head, looking at him. "Was that a jab at my height?" she demanded, though amused. "Now try to drive straight-ish. I'm starved and I might just start eating while you crash us into a tree."