Once Upon A Time

"Aww, I bet Mrs Jones really appreciated that," Claude cooed. He would've made more comments if Rhea hadn't destroyed his train of thought. "Seven is not a good age to start experimenting. I swear to God if I go home and my sister is anything but the way I left her I'm going to blame you."

"And I'm very glad that Theo's not an overly protective brother. And that I don't share a room with Art," he really didn't fancy getting punched. Though Rhea's enthusiasm about it worried him. "Eight-nine, huh?" Claude grinned at Rhea, poking her cheek. "You started at seven then? To fit that many in at so little time?"

Claue laughed as Theo tried to stand up and fell back down. "You okay there? Being all macho and everything, I doubt you need help from us campos. That's what I get for agreeing to be Clarice the Artistic Gymnast, isn't it? And yes, I imagine thunders can be sparkly when in reference to certain people."

But then Theo had mentioned 'lurve' and Claude's laugh became less certain. "Yeah, lurve, bang on the mark right there, aren't you? Something tells me it's about time for you to go to bed," he downed the rest of his can, hoping it would loosen him up. Got to keep up the unnerved face after all. "And I should probably walk Rhea back to her room. Can't imagine it's safe for her to go all that way when she's drunk."

"I hated Mrs Jones." Rhea frowned. "Why would you help her? She had those creepy cats, remember. I hated her cats. I hated her. I remember once Timmy Banks tried to set one on fire - that was awesome! You were a lame kid."

Rhea swatted Claude's hand away, pouting at him. "I did not start at seven, even if your sister might!" she gave him a sweet smile, before sighing loudly. "Fine, if you must know… I, Rhea Aphrodite - my name is really hard - Capulet have had sex with…" What was the number again? Oh right! "Eight men! Boys… Guys… Whatevers. It's still less then Theo!" In less time, but details were so not important.

"Camp or not you're so drunk, gosh Theo learn to-" she hiccuped again. "-Hold your alcohol. Oh my gosh! You gave me your hiccups didn't you? That is so rude, I hate you!" she threw a hand over her mouth to try to suffocate the horrible noise, but only to remove it again and looking puzzled at Claude. "Clarice who?"

"You're mentally unstable!" Rhea grimaced again at the mention of 'lurve'. "How often were you dropped as a child, honestly?" she did perk up a little at the mention of being walked home and sat back up. She moved closer to Claude, her fingers touching his cheek again. "I'm not drunk. You're drunk! But you can walk me back." Yes, walking back was a good thing. Very good thing. "Will you stay?" her hand moved down to play with the collar of his shirt, and she batted her eyes slightly. "Or do you have to go back?"

"I loved Mrs Jones!" Theo defended with a grin. "She was really nice to me. And at least she didn't have dogs. I really hate dogs. Why do they exist?" He wrinkled his nose. "But anyway. She used to knit me scarves. And she gave me my first cigarette. Ooooh that being said maybe she wasn't so great. I liked her though."

He vaguely resented being told that he needed to go to bed. Folding his arms, he pouted, but the overwhelming urge to laugh won him over. "No! No walking her back to her room! And no walking her back to her room in our room! There is to be no walking here!" He nudged Rhea with his foot, pushing her forwards and resting it on her back. "Unless you get married. Then Artie won't chop Claude's head off and I'll still have my bro to give me drink and giggles." There now seemed to be no thought process behind his words, they were merely falling from his mouth in a torrent of gibberish.

"Noooooo!" Theo protested as his sister began to play with Claude's shirt. His stomach lurched. "No walking remember? None. Oh God I feel a bit funny. No walking."

Theo and Rhea really could be different sometimes. Most of the time. Even if they did share certain interests. "I can't imagine giving you your first cigarette makes her a very good influence on you," Claude agreed. "Though at least you liked her. Were they nice scarves? Warm? Manly and pink?"

Eight was a lot. Eight was like...a lot. Considering how old she was as well. Barely sixteen. Well, almost sixteen, but still. He hoped his sister hadn't slept with eight men by the time she was almost sixteen. "My sister will not start at seven, thank you very much. I guess I can't really complain if she starts at sixteen, seeing as I did, but I'll make it damn hard for those little bastards trying."

Claude did his best to ignore the Clarice thing. Because that would require explaining it. To drunk people. "Do you not want me to make sure she gets home safe? You really aren't protective at all, are you?" he asked Theo. He did like having his head though. "Don't mention marriage, gosh, Theo, I thought we were supposed to get married, and now you're pawning me off on your sister? For shame."

As much as he did love Theo however, it was very hard to pay attention to him with Rhea looking at him like that. "Well, I'd need to make sure you're settled back okay and all that. Though I don't want to make Theo ill."

"When I move out I'm getting dogs." Rhea decided, poking her tongue out at her brother. "Oh, so she's the one who ruined your innocense? Did you sleep with her too?"

Rhea looked from Claude to Theo. "Did you hear what he said? If he started at sixteen she can start at sixteen too! That rule applies to me and you too! If you started at fourteen then it's okay for me to have started at that age as well! Thank you, Claude." she beamed at him. "Does your sister know that? I'm sure she'll just be smart and keep it a secret then, I might have to give her some advice."

Rhea frowned, trying to shake her brother's feet off her back. "Marriage? I'm never getting married." she shook her head violently. "Ever. That's the worst suggestion in the world. You're not making any sense. Go to bed. And let us go to bed."

Rhea pouted. "Someone really does have to make sure I get back safely, even Theo knows that, we're in the boy dormitories! So many boys just waaaaaiting to attack me." she nodded. "I just hope it won't take too long - I hope we don't get lost - so Theo will fall asleep while waiting and not see Claude again until the morning! That'd be tragic."

"No, she kindled the flame!" Theo replied with a grin so enormous his jaw was beginning to hurt. "Anyway, I figure I'm the most innocent of we three. I've only slept with like, seven men, which is one less than Rhea, and Claude... Let's just say two women is less than six! And I had two loooong relationships. I'm well innocent, me."

"Oh for God's sake, Im not a slut!" Theo groaned, throwing his hands over his head in exasperation. "Anyway, Mrs Jones is not my type. I don't even have a type. There's being older and then there's being ancient. And Mrs Jones knits scarves, that kind of says something."

He rolled his eyes as they continued the joke, before coughing and clapping a hand to his mputh. "I think I'm gonna be sick. Oh God. Oh. Oh no, I'm fine actually. I'm okay. Carry on."

The mental image of Theo sleeping with this 'Mrs Jones' who was becoming older and more chain-smoker-tainted as the conversation went on was not a plesant one. Though mildly amusing in a bad way. Still not plesant though. "I'm not sure what 'not having a type' really says about you, Theo. Let's go with...not picky, shall we? And I'm sure there are young women who knit! Don't be so stereotypical."

Claude grinned down at Rhea as she suggested Theo would fall asleep before he got back. "Maybe Theo needs to be tucked into bed before I walk you back then. Just in case. I'd feel terrible about leaving my bro without making sure he was comfy."

"What was that? Carry on? Okay then," Claude pulled Rhea closer, smirking slightly as he leaned in to kiss her. "You heard the man. Let's walk you back to your room."

"I didn't say you were a slut. You keep hinting than I'm a slut! You're easily the least innocent one here, gosh. And my number would only be seven if it wasn't for Claude, let's focus back on Claude." Rhea pouted. " Or on Theo. Theo'd make a great young woman who knits." she giggled at the mental image. "Though, not so young really. Wow, when I think about it… You guys are really old."

"Yes aren't you feeling so sleepy Theo? Sleep is good for you, especially if you feel ill…" Rhea batted her eyes at her brother, before focusing on Claude again. "Sounds good. Will you make sure I'm nice and comfortable too?"

"Yes, I do believe he said that." Rhea grinned, letting Claude pull her closer. "We must do what Theo wants." she agreed before pressing her lips to Claude's. Who would've known kissing in front of Theo would just make it more fun?

"Is that a slut joke I hear, Delanoir?" Theo asked, smirking, before pulling his legs up with great effort onto the bed and folding his arms. "I don't like you two. Trying to fuck in my presence but you won't get married. Inconsiderate bitches." A yawn distorted his last phrase and he noted with sadness how heavy he felt right now. It wouldn't be so bad if Claude did tuck him in, to be honest.

He was vaguely aware that he had lessons tomorrow, though he wasn't particularly sure if he'd make it to them. Come to that, he felt a slight sense of horror at the thought that he might not be able to stop Rhea and Claude going at it if he was asleep. Though maybe they would have chhildren. He grinned slightly at the thought of a little girl Delanoir for him to take shopping and force to watch musicals with and buy a cat for. Not dogs, though. Never dogs. "Make me a niece," he mumbled sleepily from the bed, closing his eyes and wrinkling his nose.

"A slut joke? Me?" Claude gave a scoff of indignaty. "I wouldn't dream of it! And we," he turned to give Rhea a stern look. "Are not old. You're just young. But you know, not very young, because then I'd have to call you a child, and, well, I don't think I should be the one saying that you're a child."

He couldn't care less about anything else though when Rhea started kissing him, unaware of the fact that Theo was falling asleep. Though it certainly would've explained the lack of noise at the kissing. The mumbled sentence was enough to give away the fact he was tired though.

And enough to ruin the mood. Who mentioned children when it came to sex?

Claude pulled back slowly, not really sure how to handle the situation of part of him wanting to continue and part of him just wanting to crawl under his covers. "So," he snapped his mouth shut. "You should head back, yeah?"

Kissing Claude and ignoring Theo was definitely much better than listening to his drunken mumbles. However, as much as Rhea wished she was able to block her brother out completely she wasn't and his words managed to slip through her bubble.

Had he just said what she thought he had just said?

With a new sudden urge to throw up, Rhea moved back away from Claude. She threw her head back, groaning in frustration. "There goes the mood." she muttered before looking over at Theo and glaring at him. She'd been waiting for hours for Claude to get back so she could get what she came there for - sex! But of course Theo the cockblocker had to be just that. A cockblocker.

"Yes, I should head back." she pursued her lips as she got up from the floor. "I hope you have the worst hangover of your life tomorrow, Thessy." she said sweetly and crossed her arms, looking at her brother who seemed half dead on his bed. But he really didn't deserve her silence. "I'm offended you wouldn't ask me to stay the night, Theseus, we could've had a slumber party! Yet you're already asking me to give you children to corrupt with your slutty ways." Bit rich, she knew, coming from her. But she wasn't about to leave without calling Theo a slut at least once more.

"Stop talking and pass me a beer gorgeous," Theo mumbled as Claude spoke, before grinning when they heard his previous answer. Neither seemed to react so great to that. "It can be a nephew if you guys want. I'm not fussy."

He pouted at Rhea's ill wishes for him and shrugged, before smirking at her final jab. "But remember ma sœur cadette, you are catching me up on that front! Enjoy making jokes like that while you still can." At least, that had been what he had intended to say. To his ears it sounded a little less clear, perhaps with more of a "muhmuhmuh" quality to it.

Instead, he kicked his foot out at Rhea to attempt to pull her back, finding the whole thing pretty damn entertaining. "Lovebiiiiirds!" he chimed in a singsong voice.

Claude was very reluctant to hand over another beer, though he did. And regretted it instantly. "You can want, asshole, you're not getting any nephews or nieces. Ever, the way you're going."

"Seriously, I'm beginning to wonder whether or not I should've given you that beer, considering how slurred you're getting," Claude joked. "But he's got a point, you best slow down, Rhea."

Despite the disappointment at the fact Rhea was leaving and he wasn't going to be 'walking her home', he still chuckled at her and Theo's exchange. "You sure you don't want me to walk you back? And by that I mean actually walk you back, though I doubt it's that difficult to walk back to the girls dorm. Not that you're not welcome to stay longer, of course. Not trying to kick you out."

Rhea was always welcome to stay longer.

"The way he's going?" Rhea repeated. "He's not getting any nephews or nieces ever. Period. Not from me at least, it doesn't matter what he says or does."

Rhea narrowed her eyebrows, reaching out and smacking her brother's head. "Eight. Is. Not. Bad! You're still sluttier than I am, no matter what the number might become, judging by all the stuff you've done in the past." she gave Claude a look too. "I don't need to slow down."

Rhea stumbled over her brothers feet, glaring at him again before turning to Claude "I don't really fancy actual walking back." she resisted the urge to pout. "Nor do I really fancy staying with you two," her eyes rested on Theo and she glared again. "I just hope Theo doesn't accidentally choke on his own vomit."

"Oh I almost forgot." she was still wearing Claude's shirt, which was probably a bit stained with liquid, but not as soaked as her own shirt had become. She pulled the shirt over her head and chugged it at Claude. "Thanks for lending me it - you guys can burn my shirt, I'll buy a new one." Walking across the boy dorms without a shirt sounded like something that could brighten up her evening.

"Geez, you two are so mean to me all the time. Why am I related to you?" Theo asked, grabbing his pillow and whacking half heartedly out at them, until he felt Rhea's hand collide with his head. "Ow! That's so mean! Stop being so violent. Claude, does she beat you up?"

"Stop calling me a slut, you... Banana trollop. Abusive!" he protested, before sitting up and throwing his hands over his eyes. "Oh my God. Oh my God Rhea. My eyes. Oi, you have to wear a shirt. You are not walking through here with no shirt."